There you are again! At first though I believed but never felt myself the intimate relationship between mind and body, now I do. I do not cherish this revelation as I learnt about it by seeing mental sufferings getting manifested bodily. A protracted stressful thought or event would cause a generalized fatigue over my whole body or a headache at the back of my head. It adversely affects my memory, ability to think and speak. There were times when I felt very weak even to walk.

I am becoming more mature and more capable of taking care of myself and my emotions. However, I fear that I may not be able to become as mature as to avoid these inner tortures altogether, at least in this lifetime. Developing your faculties and sensitizing yourself in those areas where you are less prone to get hurt is a very good way of keeping yourself mentally healthy, or at least mitigating the effect of troubled personal and social life. Any healthy hobby or hobbies can lend you safe heaven – the more the merrier.

Besides music I have developed a fair taste for reading novels. In music I used to listen to Hindi pop songs only, but now it has expanded to English pop songs. Earlier I used to read non-fiction stories (I did not like my school books), but now I am very much occupied in reading novels. I have changed a lot, so are my tastes. I like the person I am becoming. I would like to become more mature so that nothing would be able to hurt me anymore. My happiness should not depend on anybody. I want to strengthen the bond that has developed between me and my books and music. I would like to get completely absorbed in them and sincerely hope that they are there for me forever.

I believe that age, surrounding and our resolutions strongly influence us. When I came to Delhi, I realized how introvert I am and how it was wrecking havoc on me. Then I resolved to change myself – to be an extrovert. For me being alone is not a curse and being in a small friend circle is also a sweet thing. Monetarily I am not well placed, otherwise I would have been satisfied the way I am. To advance my career further I will have to change myself further. In this globalizing world, I must learn to market myself. I don’t want to have all the riches of the world. I just want to be in a position where no one (stranger) sneers nor feels pity.

Love of books is something that I developed gradually (on-and-off thing), and music has remained a spice that I could taste heartily, even when I was a child. There is an element of adventure in hunting down the very book or music that I eagerly look for. Other forms of love hurts, but these two only give bliss when it can. What book or music I like depends on what is in my mind. A strong affinity between the two and a good deliverance stir passions – as if you are speaking out the pain that is in you to someone all heart and mind absorbed in what you are saying. The author very often gives insights you have never thought of. The characters of the novel materialize in your heart and you feel somehow connected with them.